Season Premiere

In case anyone was curious, it has been practically a year since I last posted. Though I think the only curious person would be me, as I have had so many experiences and thoughts that it's very curious I didn't have anything to fully publicly say about anything...

To start you off, this blog is craving some updated mancandy. 

Bet you'd like this Thor to use his hammer on you (haaaaaa)

And what's a man without his attractive younger brother, eh?

Found THIS after digging through his Miley couple's pics *coulddobetter*

That should suffice for now. Please, refrain from drooling on your keyboards, it's quite a mess to clean up and I'm pretty sure Geek Squad doesn't cover that...

"Whatever, I got this. I'm the Geek Squad, bitches."

Now, in the past year, these are the things that I have either been addicted to, or have discovered and LOVE. Judge away, folks.

• Merlin- Literally, my new favorite show. If you're the type of person who loves mythology or fantasy and also Disney movies, this show takes the cake. It's a Disney-fied (with no actual Disney and horrid special effects) interpretation of the store of Merlin and Arthur when they were young and growing up. The story centers around Merlin accommodating to his "destiny" of protecting Arthur's life. It's pretty damn awesome.

• Chocolate- Could have to do with my job at I-won't-say-where, but I have discovered some incredible things that I didn't know could be mixed with chocolate. Pumpkin spice truffles, anything salted caramel, blackberries in dark chocolate, raspberry hot cocoa... I could go on, but it's making me drool more than I do looking at the man-candy. Long story short, chocolate turns me into a purring kitten by a fireplace. Soooooooooo happy.

• Florence + the Machine- Here's a good one

• A Capella- I don't have any updated videos of my group, but we've covered quite a few awesome songs. Inspiration here plz.
• Dexter

Need I say more?

• My Major- Oh Psychology, how I love thee. I won't count the ways. If there is anything in my life that influences 99% of what I do, Psychology would be that thing. Psychology essentially takes everything that I care about and everything I believe in and condenses it into a little educational pile that I get to dig my hands into. Even sarcasm involves a good level of psychobabble and manipulation of the audience. At the same time, explanations for passion, love, anger, fear, emotion, and more are all embedded in studies of the brain. One of the most interesting tidbits I'd read this past year had to do with those who were previously thought to have brain injuries that could not be repaired utilized natural methods to reverse their situation and revert them to a natural state. Book recommendations follow:
• Musicophilia by Oliver Sacks
• The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge
• Madness: A Bipolar Life by Marya Hornbacher

Now that I have successfully bored the bejeezus out of you, it's time to peace out. I think I'll leave you with something stupidly funny from http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

~Forever Yours

Collarbones and the Brits

Recently, I have been absent from blogging, because I was busy "orienting" transfer students at my university. Thankfully, I had a particularly interesting group, including a BRITISH TRANSFER!!!!! I was absolutely enthralled with his accent at first, which hasn't actually changed quite yet. My friends and I had him reading sleazy pickup lines, and no matter how absolutely "abysmal" they were, he still sounded polite. Imagine a British man, sauntering up to you, and saying "If you can dance, you have my hand, but if you can sing, you have my heart. I hope to God you can't sing because I just wanna fuck you." Much less disgusting than if you imagine this said by an Oregonian. Nothing against them, I do happen to be one of them. Fascinating, isn't it? Almost as fascinating as THIS

Every day, hope to be this.

With this wonderfully entertaining Brit, I discussed erogenous zones, and the particularly ignored ones. While he taught me one thing, I believed I could have taught him many things. Don't you worry, this was VERBAL teaching. Not like that Red Bull commercial where the girl and guy "study anatomy".We discovered, as my title suggests, that collarbones are a surprisingly sensual section of the body, commonly forgotten when mentioning the most obvious ones (neck, ear, etc.). I'll compile a list, feel free to add.

Neck

Collarbone

Ear

Hip

Inner thigh

Stomach (not recommended for the insecure)

Ankle (if you're into that kind of thing)

Nape of neck 

Shoulder (back)

Lower back

... and all the obvious ones. The SERIOUSLY obvious ones.

Lips and Boobs. Obvious ones.

 

 

Well now that you're all "oiled up and ready to go", I have a wonderful sexalicious eye-candy for you.

As well as a little smidgen of secret information... I have now successfully written and/or composed three songs!!!! Coming soon, I promise. Just gotta find the right materials and such.

Mm MM mm. Talk about a beautiful man.

~Forever Yours

Disney Developments and Pre-Menstrual Musings

G'day old chaps!

In your case, I'm hoping the definition refers to a "fellow" and not a "cheek", "chewing tobacco", or "a village in the tehsil of Kaloorkot in Bhakka". To be completely honest, I don't know what a tehsil is. Sounds much like a tassel in my head, so I'm assuming the definition is referring to some sort of rug. 

Obviously.

I am currently in TWO competitions with one of my friends. The first competition involves losing a noticeable amount of weight before December rolls around. Loser buys the winner drinks all night. Now, if I win, technically I get very drunk and if my friend looks good anyways, regardless of the fact that he is the loser, there could possibly be more than one winner. We have found ourselves in a conundrum! Maybe loser buys winner dinner would be a safer bet. 

Bet number TWO is that I cannot identify any Disney song. Barring the new Princess and The Frog soundtrack, I can in fact place Disney songs and correct lyrics. For example, the original Aladdin film's opening song possessed the lyrics "Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home!" After the Politically Correct obsession infected the masses, the lyrics were changed to "Where it's flat and immense and the heat is intense, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home!" You know what I have to say to that? I don't like Rosie O'Donnel's face. I'm sure she was a part of this decision, and I highly disapprove of ANY changes to Disney movies. I don't care how much Walt hated Jews, his work was pure magic. 

I learned a lot from Disney Princesses....

If I were watching a Disney movie right now, say Beauty and the Beast, I would probably cry when she thinks the Beast is dead. Why, you ask? A lovely thing plaguing most of the non-athletic females of our genus, PMS.  (Did the coloring make you uncomfortable? It was supposed to...) Anyway, on this note I choked up while watching the proposal scene in Ella Enchanted in which Anne Hathaway's character overcomes her curse of obedience in order to save the delicious delight that is Hugh Dancy. Take a gander, you'll enjoy it. If you enjoy a beautiful male face that is.

Well, there goes your eye candy for the day...
I'm only joking, of COURSE you will get some eye-watering beauty. But before that, we must further discuss life. PMS aside, being a girl is absolutely lovely. I once had a nightmare that I had a penis, and I woke up and cried. No offense to you men out there who have a huge penis ego, I just really would hate to be a man. While I would love some modern examples of chivalry, I don't know if I could open doors and pull out chairs for women, and be expected to pay for everything. No wonder men make more money, they have to pay on the dates with women! It's the cultural expectation. Women can't have ALL the money in the world.
Man, I am pissing off feminists by the second right now. Well, if you're going to get offended, there must be some truth in my statement, because otherwise you would just think I was completely mad. (I seem to be in a British mood today)

Oh dear. Well, ta ta for now! Here's a sexalicious picture to heal your eyes of the previous calamity.

~Forever Yours

Self-Serving Media

I can assure you, this post will make you uncomfortable. Your coping device may be laughing, ceasing to read, or generally turning off your internet service for fear of infiltration of my impure words and thoughts.


Just kidding. I'm not talking about the kind of self-service that tools can provide (pureromance.com). Oh no, this is the kind of self-service where I provide myself with some sort of ridiculous life story, without any real direction. I seem to float along with my eyes closed and my heart open, flitting from situation to situation with the energy and frivolity of a hummingbird. Life experiences are my sugar-water, and I crave so much. This insatiable need to know gets me in a minor amount of trouble at times. Don't believe me? Here are a few examples of my favorite mishap memories.

Coronado Beach, California, Halloween 2009. Need I say more? Oh but of course I do.

In this lovely environment, it seems I had found myself in a dizzying plethora of corsets

and pant-less belligerence. While attempting to reach the destination of a Halloween bash,

my friends and I quickly found ourselves in dire need of a restroom... and map. With

an invite from some anonymous Marines, a bathroom, social circle, and drinks

were quickly attained. Post roofie-scare (silly, in fact), one particular friend commenced

a stripping of pants to "be one with the ocean". Needless to say, the security guard

was not amused. The end of the night came, minus one *ahem* preoccupied friend

and one wallet and one bottle of Malibu Rum, and we proceeded to continue on with

our seemingly mundane lives.

Oregon, Fall 2010, "Pimps and Hos". Yet again, it seems to be self-explanatory. Allow me

to continue. Classing it up in order to present a decent impression at the first party

of my new school, I sauntered into the party full of José Cuervo and confidence

that my white tiger print tunic would not reveal any breasteses or va-jay-jay. However,

I was sauntering around in my self-labeled "hooker heels". Dangerous, yet damn sexy.

It was "pimps and hos" after all. What I didn't take into account was the rickety steps

of the college student's house, or the salience of alcohol in my blood. Eventually,

these three forces (shoes, stairs, smirnoff) took hold of my universe, and sent

it tumbling down– or me, rather. A lovely swollen ankle/foot resulted, allowing me to

sustain my very first alcohol-related injury. Lovely, of course.

San Diego, California, Fall 2009. I won't disclose the location for fear of open

accessibility to everything on the internet, but may I first put a disclaimer

for any/all my readers out there. SECRET SHOTS ARE BAD NEWS BEARS. You

think I'm joking, but I am absolutely serious. If you're going to take shots,

don't do it in private. It's not about luck, it's about not going home as the complete

fucktard idiot who drank way too much and lost complete control. This is

exactly what they talk about in those commercials, except I'm not telling you alcohol is bad,

just an excess could be... negative. Long story short, me+secret shots+decisions made

while blacked out= a very late night and a hospital visit. No, there was no stomach

pumping or alcohol poisoning. Just a little too much for my frail little figure to handle. 

Regardless, this is still one of my favorite stories to tell. I love making mistakes sometimes.

Well now that you all are thoroughly disappointed in me, I would love to discuss how my life is a movie at times. Recently, I encountered a person who happened to have not one, not two, but three or more ties to people who are or have been very dear to me. This random new acquaintance was not only tied to an undesirable by way of previous residence, but also through a friendship was tied to one of my dearest friends from California, and therefore secondarily linked with practically the past five to six years of my life. It baffles me how small the world really is. And even after the millionth time I use that phrase, that damned Disney song pops in my head immediately after. Stupid corporation.

I didn't mean it! I love you Disney! You're my lobster!

With all this talk of partying and drinking and living, I do believe I have tired myself out. Back in May, I had explored the world of facebook statuses for a purpose. It just so happened I was with a group of 6 people trying to unravel my night. Going through my gray zone, remembering a policewoman, falling down at the scene of the last falling down accident. The only thing we were missing was a baby and a tiger and then my life would essentially be The Hangover. And then, in all my morning-after glory, I realized the night before was a widespread party. Proof? These facebook statuses;

"My walk of shame was so long that it could have been a parade...at one point I actually considered doing the 'elbow-elbow-wrist-wrist" to passing cars and people." -BV

Apologies to the bathroom.

broken camera.. my life is over.

lost my phone. pretty wack.

What a night

Vodka...... You bitch.

had one helluva night.

I am OK. i got elbowed in the face. but i am fine. no bruises.

DISLIKES being the DD. But Someone HAS to do it. EFFFF. 

if you find a set of keys with a seahorse key chain please tell me!!!

shitshow=my life

And to complete this segment, I bring you Kellan Lutz, because I am TEAM EMMET

 

..... Whoa.

~Forever Yours

Fantasies and Fabulous Bitches

I had a dream.... A fantasy, rather. John Mayer, mine to have, shirtless and spread out on my silk sheets (which I still don't have) singing to me and being excellent in bed of course. Though, with that face came an expectation of a matching delicious lickable body. Apparently, I overestimated him. I thought with the douchebaggy personality he is apparently famous for, he would make an effort to keep up his physique.
Not so.

O

Dear John, it looks like you have a Situation

There's a small part of me hoping he's pushing out his stomach in an attempt at humor. Maybe. I guess I could be friends with John. Johnny Boy. Johnnn Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. That's... not my name. That's not my name. 

I could do that alllll day.

I won't.

As a treat to you, since you seem to enjoy me somewhat, or maybe not at all (who cares really), I'll give you an eensy excerpt of "Fabulous Bitches"; the next it book of the century. For serious.

CHAPTER 3 (because it's my lucky number)

 Confidence is the Best Revenge

We all know the perky blonde on the Orbit commercials is a fabulous bitch; just listen to her catchphrase! "Dirty Mouth? Clean it up, with Orbit! Fabulous!" We've all had a dirty mouth before, thanks to sloppy seconds and straying sexpots, and cleaning it up seems to be the largest problem following these failed sexual endeavors. How can you get rid of that unpleasant aftertaste following an unsuccessful relationship? One word– Confidence. Easier said than done, of course, but when it comes to confidence, the only person who can access that is YOU. Yes, I have followed you home within this book in a tiny hidden camera, and I have seen your low self-confidence, and I am here to tell you that will not be acceptable if you would like to continue attempting to be a fabulous bitch. The best feeling in the world just happens to be walking past an ex-boyfriend or hookup, and looking/feeling like the star of the show. Put on your best Beyoncé walk ladies, because it's time to bring out your inner DIVA. That discarded "material" will wish you were theirs forever, and at the same time realize you are too much of a fabulous bitch to even care. 

Merry Christmas, we got you a FABULOUS BITCH! 

 With this extraordinarily short entry comes a personal update (code for an excuse to talk about myself a little). I'm spending time learning a couple songs on the piano that I can sing as well, so once I think I'm good enough, y'all are going to see this on YouTube and my blog!! And now for some Eye Candy of the Day. Only because I love you all.

 

 Mmmmm. Summer Sexy.

~Forever Yours 

Lust, LadyG, Le Chou.

Bonsoir mes petits monstres! And what a lovely summer evening it is. I was trying to find some unique catchphrase to get people's attention, a hook if you will, and honestly the French people have so many weird nicknames for each other. Like "chou-chou" for example. "Chou Chou" is around the same status as sweetie, or honey, or muffin, except chou chou means cabbage. That's right. Cabbage. No doubt you would love for your significant to walk in the door, take you in his arms, and  whisper softly as he gazes lucidly into your eyes– "I love you, cabbage". I'm just going to put this out there, and say that I'm not a fan.

  

Nom?

 

Something I am a fan of is art. I happen to regard myself as an amateur art connoisseur. Basically I love all types of art, but only know a tad more about like drawing and singing. Less about all the other types of art. But I still appreciate widely. Lady Gaga may be a half-psychotic sick hypnotic fabulous bitch, but she's also a very provocative artist. For example, her new video Alejandro is seriously smashing. I love it. I'm a little addicted to her. There was this one article saying that someone named some baggy of drug after her. I could totally be making that up. But, because I love you all, here is the link

Seriously, just watch it. In my personal opinion, it's a representation of the struggle of humanity to reach this futuristic goal we have set for ourselves, mixed with the potency of Gaga's opinion about female sexuality and the freedoms gained so far. Aren't I the little film critic :)

*I know that we are young and I know you may love me*

Spicy. I have also just discovered this song Brown Skin. Talk about yummy, this is perfect for some chocolate love, if you know what I mean. Of course you know what I mean, otherwise I would have to be monumentally disappointed in you. And we both don't want that. 

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!!

I have decided to make a little list of things I'm lusting after in order to quench those desires a tad. Since none of these things are immediately accessible, admitting to them will most likely give me some sort of release, right? Right.

One. Silky something

Two. A car of my own

Three. An apartment (roommates are okay, parents are not)

Four. Chocolate

Five. Combine 1 and 4, add MAN (if ya get me)

Six. Sunny Beach Vacation

Seven. That Voice

Eight. Brown Summer Boots

Nine. A non-broken phone

Ten. Fall

Okay, I believe I'm done with that. And if I may, no spoilers included, Glee was fantastic, and I should know better than to watch the finale when I'm hormonal. I love good singing voices. They send shivers down my spine and make me melt like putty, and I cannot resist charm+a good singing voice. That combo will have me floored. 

Now that I have given you all tools to romance me, I will sign off with this yummy tidbit I fell across on the internet recently in honor of the fantastic Glee finale!

Eyegasmic

~Forever Yours

Being "Muchier".

Ello mon bébés. I'm sure you missed pleasantly uncreative moi. Sorry I've been on an estrogen/drama kick lately, what with final exams and the constant itch for summer. But I do have a few topics floating around in my head generally, so we'll start off yes?

First of all, I'm praying with everything I have that none of my benefactors (Daddy dearest) finds this blog, specifically this entry. I seem to have dropped my iPhone (no not 3G) a few too many times, and now it won't go on silent, the volume-up button is stuck down, and the vibrate only SOMETIMES works. Yes, Apple, it IS my fault. Sorry I don't want to carry around a clunky icky iPhone case. (Uh oh, poor white girl complainin' about her fancy shmancy iPhone). But seriously, it's super annoying that I'm so irresponsible with my belongings. Apparently that whole "cognitive overload" thing definitely happens with me, I can only handle so much at one time. Don't you DARE "that's what she said" me!

Good LORD I'm spoiled. You all must hate me. Please don't. I'll buy you lunch or coffee or a drink (when I'm 21).

Moving on, there's this other thing that has been bugging me. Apparently, people have these weird first impressions of me. Well, I guess it doesn't bother me, it just baffles me! From what I have been told by pretty much everyone I know, I come off (in class or just walkin' around) as someone of an "innocent" nature. Just like that– "Innocent". innocent. Funsies. I mean, I definitely understand that a girl with brown curly hair who asks questions during class and makes attempts at dressing nicely who says hi to whoever she can COULD be seen as somewhat of a pure and inexperienced individual... But come on. It's me. I like to talk about uncomfortable things, I love to say whatever I want to say and swear like a sailor, and I enjoy the occasional beverage every now and then. I've been told (by the people who know me well) that I could turn into Karen Walker quite easily, after a couple marriages. 

 Seriously. My life. 

But  in all seriousness, I don't believe I deserve the title of innocent. I've far proven my... badness... 

This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but we're discussing bridal showers and "groomal" showers currently, and I have decided that having Chippendales at a bridal shower is basically like going to a wine tasting when pregnant. It's pure silliness. I have quite a few qualms with the goings on of bridal showers and weddings nowadays. For example, here are a few completely unacceptable wedding accouterments.

Long story short, please just get married with taste. Or just don't invite me. Then I guess my opinion won't matter. But if I am involved in your wedding, you can be damn sure none of this will show up! 
Oh good lord, I almost forgot. ManCandy.
Here chu go! Hhhhave a good night my loves.

 ~Forever Yours