Free Write- Day Two (sort of)

Your droning noise is not music to my ears and I'm sick and tired of feeling like an apathetic bitch. My increasing levels of estrogen and stress do not fare well with your constant annoyance and disruption. Passive aggressiveness is overrated however, and I am forced to resign my previously determined outspokenness for a kinder facade. Relax though, the more I like myself, the more I'll like you.

And how can I like myself, how can I live with myself whole and happily, when I know I don't deserve him. Sure, you say I deserve the best, the most incredible man in the world. But I know as well as you do that this is hardly true. I want the best, but who wouldn't want their knight in shining armor? My perfect man has the capacity for love, music, and art like Christian in Moulin Rouge, but the passion and fire of any steamy supermarket romance novel, and the cherry on top; the suave and silky confidence of any man worthy to be called James Bond. Funny, I thought I found this man, but it was my overactive imagination that I have since abandoned. I miss the oblivious confidence that the world could just fall into place, and the film that was my life would end effortlessly like any Chick Flick romantic comedy.

I have to clear my head of everything that is polluting and useless. Everything selfish must go. What do I feel? I feel the ocean. I feel soft hands. I need to get away from everything and lay on the beach with my eyes closed, taking in the warmth of the summer evening, listening to the sweet sounds so close now but so far away. You look at me and say you know me, but you never will. With all the words I write, how can you ever know if it is a lie? You can't. Everything is a lie, and what is true is selfish, purely and simply. I'll always dream about that which I can't have, and I'll always regret losing what I would if I followed that dream. I'll be satisfied as I remain stationary until my being cannot take anymore and I find myself in a true lie. 

Everyone has a secret; but can they keep it, oh no they can't.

~Forever Yours