Fantasies and Fabulous Bitches

I had a dream.... A fantasy, rather. John Mayer, mine to have, shirtless and spread out on my silk sheets (which I still don't have) singing to me and being excellent in bed of course. Though, with that face came an expectation of a matching delicious lickable body. Apparently, I overestimated him. I thought with the douchebaggy personality he is apparently famous for, he would make an effort to keep up his physique.
Not so.

O

Dear John, it looks like you have a Situation

There's a small part of me hoping he's pushing out his stomach in an attempt at humor. Maybe. I guess I could be friends with John. Johnny Boy. Johnnn Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. That's... not my name. That's not my name. 

I could do that alllll day.

I won't.

As a treat to you, since you seem to enjoy me somewhat, or maybe not at all (who cares really), I'll give you an eensy excerpt of "Fabulous Bitches"; the next it book of the century. For serious.

CHAPTER 3 (because it's my lucky number)

 Confidence is the Best Revenge

We all know the perky blonde on the Orbit commercials is a fabulous bitch; just listen to her catchphrase! "Dirty Mouth? Clean it up, with Orbit! Fabulous!" We've all had a dirty mouth before, thanks to sloppy seconds and straying sexpots, and cleaning it up seems to be the largest problem following these failed sexual endeavors. How can you get rid of that unpleasant aftertaste following an unsuccessful relationship? One word– Confidence. Easier said than done, of course, but when it comes to confidence, the only person who can access that is YOU. Yes, I have followed you home within this book in a tiny hidden camera, and I have seen your low self-confidence, and I am here to tell you that will not be acceptable if you would like to continue attempting to be a fabulous bitch. The best feeling in the world just happens to be walking past an ex-boyfriend or hookup, and looking/feeling like the star of the show. Put on your best Beyoncé walk ladies, because it's time to bring out your inner DIVA. That discarded "material" will wish you were theirs forever, and at the same time realize you are too much of a fabulous bitch to even care. 

Merry Christmas, we got you a FABULOUS BITCH! 

 With this extraordinarily short entry comes a personal update (code for an excuse to talk about myself a little). I'm spending time learning a couple songs on the piano that I can sing as well, so once I think I'm good enough, y'all are going to see this on YouTube and my blog!! And now for some Eye Candy of the Day. Only because I love you all.

 

 Mmmmm. Summer Sexy.

~Forever Yours