Captain Kirk's Nipples: Disney Developments and Pre-Menstrual Musings

G'day old chaps!

In your case, I'm hoping the definition refers to a "fellow" and not a "cheek", "chewing tobacco", or "a village in the tehsil of Kaloorkot in Bhakka". To be completely honest, I don't know what a tehsil is. Sounds much like a tassel in my head, so I'm assuming the definition is referring to some sort of rug.

Obviously.

I am currently in TWO competitions with one of my friends. The first competition involves losing a noticeable amount of weight before December rolls around. Loser buys the winner drinks all night. Now, if I win, technically I get very drunk and if my friend looks good anyways, regardless of the fact that he is the loser, there could possibly be more than one winner. We have found ourselves in a conundrum! Maybe loser buys winner dinner would be a safer bet.

Bet number TWO is that I cannot identify any Disney song. Barring the new Princess and The Frog soundtrack, I can in fact place Disney songs and correct lyrics. For example, the original Aladdin film's opening song possessed the lyrics "Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home!" After the Politically Correct obsession infected the masses, the lyrics were changed to "Where it's flat and immense and the heat is intense, it's barbaric, but hey, it's home!" You know what I have to say to that? I don't like Rosie O'Donnel's face. I'm sure she was a part of this decision, and I highly disapprove of ANY changes to Disney movies. I don't care how much Walt hated Jews, his work was pure magic.


I learned a lot from Disney Princesses....

If I were watching a Disney movie right now, say Beauty and the Beast, I would probably cry when she thinks the Beast is dead. Why, you ask? A lovely thing plaguing most of the non-athletic females of our genus, PMS. (Did the coloring make you uncomfortable? It was supposed to...) Anyway, on this note I choked up while watching the proposal scene in Ella Enchanted in which Anne Hathaway's character overcomes her curse of obedience in order to save the delicious delight that is Hugh Dancy. Take a gander, you'll enjoy it. If you enjoy a beautiful male face that is.

Well, there goes your eye candy for the day...
I'm only joking, of COURSE you will get some eye-watering beauty. But before that, we must further discuss life. PMS aside, being a girl is absolutely lovely. I once had a nightmare that I had a penis, and I woke up and cried. No offense to you men out there who have a huge penis ego, I just really would hate to be a man. While I would love some modern examples of chivalry, I don't know if I could open doors and pull out chairs for women, and be expected to pay for everything. No wonder men make more money, they have to pay on the dates with women! It's the cultural expectation. Women can't have ALL the money in the world.
Man, I am pissing off feminists by the second right now. Well, if you're going to get offended, there must be some truth in my statement, because otherwise you would just think I was completely mad. (I seem to be in a British mood today)